Hope Springs Eternal

Kay (Meryl Streep) is a woman who lives by hope and longs for change. Her marriage to Arnold (Tommy Lee Jones) has been dying a slow, muted death since their children left home. Their daily lives are dictated by a lacklustre routine that they enact with weary dedication until they collapse into bed each night. They sleep in separate bedrooms, a habit which began years earlier when Arnold suffered back problems and has continued ever since. After 31 years – an anniversary which they celebrated by buying each other a renewed subscription to the cable channels – she is exhausted by their mutual indifference.

Unwilling to give up on her marriage, she decides to take a drastic step and books them a place on a week-long intensive marriage counselling course. Tight-fisted Arnold is aghast at the idea and the cost in equal measure, but succumbs to her pleas at the final moment. They catch a plane to Hope Springs, a picturesque town in Maine, where they will meet daily with Counsellor Dr Bernie Feld (Steve Carell).

Tommy Lee Jones, Meryl Streep and Steve Carell in Hope Springs.
Image © Momentum Pictures 2012. All rights reserved. Used by permission.

Dr Feld reassures Kay that her hope is not misplaced: ‘It’s not too late for anyone who really wants [change] and is willing to try.’ The question is whether Arnold – who seems indignant at the idea that anything is wrong in the first place – is willing. Kay, too, will have to decide how vulnerable she will make herself in order to revive the passion in their relationship.

Dr Feld eventually hits upon what he believes to be their major problem: they need to reawaken their sex life, which has been dormant for four years, and struggling for many more. In order to cease being invisible to each other, they must increase their physical – and thereby emotional – intimacy levels. He begins to set them daily ‘sexercises’, which are shown in full in the film. This makes certain sections uncomfortable viewing: whilst some episodes are moving and others entertaining, some are downright awkward. This is where the film gets it right and also very wrong. As the tone veers between being sad, touching, hilarious and uncomfortable, Streep and Jones do a fantastic job of communicating the often-conflicting subtleties of the emotions involved in marriage. The viewer is asked to sympathise with the characters’ plight, yet then five minutes later it feels as though we are laughing at, rather than with, them.

Tommy Lee Jones and Meryl Streep in Hope Springs.
Image © Momentum Pictures 2012. All rights reserved. Used by permission.

Whilst there is truth in some of Dr. Feld’s advice, the film unfortunately falls for the myth that overwhelming sexual passion is the bedrock of a solid relationship, and that without it there is nothing worth fighting for. Sex is an important part of marriage, but it is only a part. Love is the foundation of a lasting marriage, not sex. To confuse the two things is a mistake that our culture commonly makes, and here it prevents this film from telling a truly redemptive story. Is it really enough for Arnold to give Kay a passionate kiss as he leaves for work each morning? Whilst this might, for some people, be a symptom of a good marriage, is this enough in itself to change things completely?

Tommy Lee Jones and Meryl Streep in Hope Springs.
Image © Momentum Pictures 2012. All rights reserved. Used by permission.

However, Hope Springs does avoid a mistake made by many rom-coms in stating that love is sometimes difficult. We are used to Hollywood telling us that if two people are compatible, passionate love should come naturally and easily, especially in marriage. However, as theologian Stanley Hauerwas points out:

[W]e always marry the wrong person. We never know whom we marry; we just think we do. Or even if we first marry the right person, just give it a while and he or she will change. For marriage, being [so life-changing], means we are not the same person after we have entered it. The primary challenge of marriage is learning how to love and care for the stranger to whom you find yourself married.*

Kay and Arnold approach each other as familiar strangers, and are challenged to accept each other despite the ways in which they have both changed over the years. As they stumblingly attempt to rescue their marriage, it will take complete commitment from both of them; as Dr Feld advises: ‘You have to ask yourself, have I done all that I could?’ Marriage calls for this uninhibited commitment to the other person, this willingness to give your all to love them. How different from the idea that once the flame of passion has died, the relationship has too. And in this view of marriage – one based on commitment and determined love – there is far more comfort and far more hope.

What is so important, then, about hope? Alexander Pope, in his 1734 poem, An Essay On Man, claimed: ‘Hope springs eternal in the human breast’. It’s now a famous quotation to which the film’s title makes reference. The hope that Pope speaks of is a lasting, almost inextinguishable, God-given characteristic of humanity. It allows us to believe that something better is possible, despite what the current circumstances suggest. It is a powerful belief that renewal, restoration, and change are possible. And at its strongest, hope can become a conviction, which one Bible author says is the moment at which true faith is born: Faith is the confidence that what we hope for will actually happen; it gives us assurance about things we cannot see.’ (Hebrews 11:1)

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